I knew how despicable I must have looked.
I pasted on a smile, took her arm, shook it, and begged her to make up with me.
I knew that after days of fighting cold wars with me and hiding the truth from Linden, Mina desperately needed a friend. She especially needed to regain my friendship in this dorm.
Sure enough, when I reached out, Mina's eyes quickly reddened, and she agreed.
Then I pulled out the stockings.
I remember my hands trembling.
"Mina, I got you some stockings. I have some too." I faked a cheerful tone and even batted my eyes. "Exams are coming up. Let's have a dance party in the dorm tonight!"
"Huh?"
Mina let out a surprised sound.
I forced a laugh, trying to look concerned.
"I've noticed you've had a lot on your mind lately."
After a long struggle, Mina finally agreed.
15
It was August 13th, the seventh day since Mina was assaulted.
On that midsummer night, two girls used phone flashlights as a disco ball.
We danced, we drank, and under the pressure of the coming exams, tried to shed all our worries.
What Mina didn't know, as she lost herself in the moment, was that I was sending photo after photo of her to Cade.
After sending them, I realized I was sobbing.
Twenty-seven photos. I sat on the mess-covered floor and counted them.
Mina was fast asleep. She hadn't slept this soundly in days.
And I finally couldn't hold back anymore.
I swore—I would end this arrangement.
But Cade seemed to read my mind, sending a message just in time.
"Now we're in the same boat."
"Sable, do you still want to call the police?"
"You're participating in Mina's assault too, aren't you?"
"Assaulting her spirit."
16
Deep into the night.
The harder I cried, the less courage I had to stop this arrangement.
17
Cade gave me no breathing room.
He began the second transaction.
If the first was a probe, this one was genuine devastation.
From Cade, I received a box of pills—small white tablets, not many.
I asked Cade what they were.
After all, I wasn't about to carry a murder charge just for a study-abroad slot.
Cade told me they were hormone pills. They'd make her gain weight.
I was confused and asked why.
He said, "She likes Linden, doesn't she? She thinks that's love, right?"
"Her figure, her personality, her wind-chime laugh."
"I'll destroy them all."
"That way, she'll leave Linden and come crawling back to me."
Along with the pills came two hidden cameras, to ensure I wouldn't try anything.
One for the dorm room. One for the bathroom.
From then on, Mina and I had to live under his surveillance—eating, bathing, everything.
18
That was the first time I drugged someone.
A fingernail-sized hormone pill, ground to powder, secretly sprinkled onto my roommate's food.
I was so nervous. Mina was in the shower, and I still managed to spill some, quickly sweeping it onto the floor.
Then I watched her take bite after bite.
My heart was so full of guilt I wanted to kill myself. I could only distract myself by scrolling through London vlogs.
But I couldn't stop. I even started worrying that Cade might be exposed.
He was a madman, already beyond caring, and he absolutely couldn't drag me down with him.
That's what I told myself as I continued sprinkling hormone pills into Mina's food, meal after meal.
Looking back, I admit—back then, I probably hurt her more than Cade ever did.
Because in just seven days, Mina's face rounded out noticeably.
In truth, she looked healthier than before. At five-four and barely a hundred pounds, she'd always seemed frail—now she was more solid.
But in Mina's eyes, it was as if the sky had fallen.
She started dieting, doing aerobics in the room, completely unaware of the real cause.
I'd hear her on the phone with Linden, always dodging requests to meet in person.
Once, Linden got angry.
The dorm was quiet, and I could hear his voice through the phone.
"What are you so afraid of? Why are you so inconsistent?"
"Meet me. Please, Mina."
"If you meet me, I'll pay for your study abroad. Half a million."
Linden thought he was being kind.
He had no idea that in destroying Mina's psychological defenses, he was a key accomplice.
I watched Mina's weight climb day by day, watched her go from weighing herself once a day to four or five times a day.
That wasn't the end of it.
The second drug Cade had me slip into Mina's food was short-term birth control pills.
19
At first, I didn't understand Cade's purpose.
Later I looked it up—that medication had a short-term stimulating effect.
The very first day Mina took it, she stayed awake until dawn. When I got up, I saw her with dark circles under her eyes, still scrolling through her phone.
Her eyes gleamed with an eerie brightness, as if draining every ounce of her life force.
That day, Mina didn't fall asleep until five in the afternoon.
But because of the pills, she only slept three hours before waking again.
Night after night, Mina couldn't sleep, and her hair fell out in clumps.
I kept Cade updated on Mina's changes, but I didn't dare mention how Mina had taken to calling Linden frantically in the dorm—almost like she was losing her mind.
Because her psychological pressure was so immense, with nowhere to release it.
I could hear Mina's calls with Linden growing more urgent and volatile.
After every call, Mina would break down sobbing. I'd hear her ask herself how she'd become this way.
She had no idea.
In reality, she was still the same wonderful girl everyone else saw.
Except Cade and I had turned her into this.
Until the evening of August 20th.
Cade gave me one final pill.
"Make Mina take this. She'll fall asleep, and then, deliver her to my house."
This was ten days before the semester started. Cade's final command.
20
The next afternoon, as usual, I crushed the pill and sprinkled it onto Mina's food.
This time was different—Mina noticed she was getting drowsy while still eating. She happily shared her rare drowsiness with me and hurried to climb into bed.
As she fell asleep, every cell in my body was boiling with tension.
I waited for Cade's promised study-abroad slot.
As agreed, Cade was supposed to send the real exam questions to my email.
But the document never came. Instead, Cade sent increasingly urgent reminders.
Mina was about to wake up. I finally lost my temper, calling Cade and demanding, "Professor Cade! You promised me!"
Instead, Cade laughed mockingly and said, "I will. I'll help you, Sable. Just wait until I get rehired as counselor, okay?"
That was the moment I understood—Cade hadn't been a counselor for a long time.
All my efforts, all my betrayal, had been for a promise that didn't exist.
"You've already come this far. What else can you do?"
Right.
Listening to Cade's threats, I was both furious and terrified, my body shaking so badly I almost dropped my phone.
But in the end, I didn't surrender to Cade.
I think it was because I'd already lost too much—the unwillingness finally surfaced.
So I thought of someone.
Linden.
That day, I unplugged the camera, pretending it had malfunctioned.
I took Mina's phone and found Linden's contact.
I called him and told him to give me the five hundred thousand "funding," and I'd deliver Mina to his place.
Linden quickly gave me an address, saying that as long as I left her there, he'd transfer the money.
That was how I calmed down. I hoisted the sleeping Mina onto my back, pretending she had a fever, and struggled through the campus's hidden paths.
Then, something ridiculous happened.
That day, I left Mina at the address.
But after a long time, I received no money, and Mina was gone.
I panicked, knowing the only thing coming next was Cade's revenge.
So I abandoned all thoughts of studying abroad, of the five hundred thousand—my mind was filled with one word: run.
The very next day, Cade found me.
He waited at the school gate with a knife pressed against my waist, forcing me to the third floor of the academic building—the familiar equipment room.
He bound my hands behind my back and demanded to know where Mina was.
Every cigarette he smoked ended with the butt seared into my shoulder, accompanied by slap after ringing slap.