She thought for a moment, then slowly told me that their divorce seemed to be related to an affair.
I sat in the classroom, scratching my head, wondering which one of them was having the affair. — I was back in class because Holly insisted. She said everything has a price, and staying in class was my contribution to social stability.
I asked her, "Everything has a price — what's the price of time travel?"
She thought for a moment and said, "The irreversibility of timelines."
My jaw dropped. I said, "I didn't understand a word of that. Wait, didn't you have plastic surgery?"
She said, "I only changed my name. The plastic surgery was a lie. Do you think a twenty-six-year-old and a sixteen-year-old look the same?"
I said in disbelief, "They wouldn't look that different, right?"
She finally gave a rare smile and said, "Leo, don't you know women know how to wear makeup?"
06
If there was an affair, there had to be an affair partner. For several days, I followed my mom, only to find she was either watching TV or cleaning the house. My dad was even more obvious — he went to work and came home on schedule. His only entertainment was playing mahjong with his buddies. My dad having an affair with his mahjong buddies seemed unlikely.
On a side note, middle-aged life is truly depressing.
I said to Holly, "Their lifestyle doesn't exactly scream 'affair.'"
Holly said, "Broken relationships are always like that. Things look fine on the surface, but there's an ocean between their hearts."
I said, "No idea where this mistress is, either."
Holly said, "Catching them in the act is pointless. What matters is reigniting the passion between them."
I gave a long "Oh."
Holly blushed and said, "What are you imagining?"
I said, "You know me too well."
On the weekend, Holly and I went to the market together. She wore a sundress, and I hadn't even changed out of my school uniform. I stared at her, dumbfounded.
She walked over and said, "What, cat got your tongue?"
I said, "Your whole vibe just turned into a big sister."
She said, "Come on, little brother. Accompany your sister shopping."
I bought a bouquet of flowers. Holly bought a belt. We walked out side by side, each carrying our gifts. These were all for my parents, of course. I only had enough money for flowers. The belt was on Holly's tab — I owed her.
I said, "When I die, I'll pay you back with my inheritance. How about it, widow?"
She rolled her eyes at me.
07
I sat in my room, straining to hear what was happening outside. I'd placed the gifts separately, pretending they were from each other. They were quiet for a while, said a few things, and then started arguing in hushed voices.
I suddenly felt powerless.
I pushed the door open. The living room instantly went silent, as if nothing had happened. My dad unfolded a newspaper. My mom folded the laundry and said, "Going out?"
I put on my shoes without turning around. "Going to see my lover."
I ran through the streets. I didn't know where Holly was, but I had a feeling she was close by, not far from me.
I ran until I ran out of breath, gasping as I stopped.
A girl walked toward me. It was Holly, wearing her school uniform.
She said, "Out for a night run?"
I said, "Holly, how am I supposed to find you?"
She froze.
I said, "It's so hard just to see you."
She said, "Yeah."
I said, "Can you really not tell me where you live?"
She seemed to snap out of it and said, slightly flustered, "Oh, just in an alley near your place."
We walked along the river.
I said, "Holly, what is death? Is it disappearing from this world?"
Holly said, "It's staying forever at one moment in time."
I said, "If you could stay at the happiest moment, wouldn't that be nice?"
She shook her head and said, "Happiness exists because you know tomorrow can be better. Having no future — that's actually a kind of torture."
I said, "Giving up your future to come back to the past must be painful too."
She said, "It's almost over."
I counted the days. It was true — July, my death date, was drawing near.
I said, "They're still fighting."
She said, "You didn't give the gifts to the wrong person, did you? Your mom got the belt and your dad got the flowers?"
I said, "It's not about the gifts. It's about the affair. Nothing can stop them from cheating. Damn it."
By the river there was a small convenience store. I went over and bought her a Coke, twisted the cap open for her, and she took a sip. After knowing each other this long, we'd developed quite the unspoken understanding when it came to Coke.
She said, "By the way, have you finished your homework?"
I waved my hand. I hadn't cracked a book in half a year. If I opened my homework now, that little block sliding happily across the ground had somehow ended up orbiting in space. Asking me to do homework was like asking me to drop dead right then.
Later, I crouched by the river, lit a cigarette, and inhaled deeply. Her eyes went wide. "Where'd you get cigarettes?"
I said, "Bought them at the store just now."
She said, "Put it out. It's bad for you."
I said, "Please. Even if I wanted lung cancer, I don't have the time."
She reached over, grabbed my cigarette, and hurled it into the river. I pouted, then pulled out the whole pack and tossed that in too. June in the small town, the flood season had just passed, and the river was especially calm, with only a soft plop as each item hit the water.
I said to Holly, "Ma'am, tell me about the future. What happened to all my classmates?"
Holly said, "Scattered across the country, working and studying. Some in suits, some in rags."
I said, "Do they ever go back and visit the school?"
Holly said, "Occasionally. But the school got torn down later, and after that, not many people went back. Then at reunions everyone was comparing cars and houses."
I said, "Disappointing. I thought we'd stay pure forever."
She said, "When angels come down to earth, they all turn into people eventually."
I said, "What about my parents? How are they after the divorce?"
Holly was quiet for a long time. "They each have their own lives. They're doing fine."
I found it hard to understand. But thinking about it, it made sense — without me, they could finally move on to their new lives without anything holding them back.
Actually, dying at sixteen in the summer wasn't so bad. Forever under blue skies and white clouds with a popsicle, free and easy. Death, in a way, was sheltering that boy, keeping him from having to face the ruins of a world that had moved on.
When we parted that day, Holly suddenly called my name.
She said, "Leo, you need to study hard."
I waved and said, "Got it. I'll honor every promise I make before I die."
08
I started studying again. I went to Holly for help, but she'd already forgotten everything. The two of us bumbled our way to the teacher like a pair of idiots. The teacher explained for a long time, then looked up and said, "Liking studying is a good sign. But don't you two look like you're dating?"
I put on a martyr's expression and said, "Teacher, this is more like a terminal romance."
June in the small town was blazing hot. The cicadas, hidden for a year, had reappeared under the trees. Less than a month until July. During this time, my classmates were shocked to discover I'd been possessed by the spirit of model citizenship — helping carry hot water, helping clean up. I'd just wipe my sweat and give them a look that said, "Make sure you come to my funeral."
They got the message and said, "Don't worry, we'll definitely lend you our homework."
Screw you, do I really look like a slacker? Well, whatever. When the time comes, everyone will understand.
Mid-June, I developed insomnia. I lay awake all night, silently watching the moon through the window. Holly said insomnia came from thinking too much. I looked toward where she lived — quiet, with a light on in the window. So girls got insomnia too.
One night, after thinking for a long time, I finally knocked on my parents' door.
They were half-asleep and asked, "What's wrong?"
I stood in the darkness and said, "Dad, Mom, I already know."
"What?"
I said, "You don't have to wait for the divorce until I'm older."
They were quiet for a long time.
My dad said, "Son, we'll at least wait until you're grown."
What I really wanted to say was, you don't need to wait. Come July, once the pain passes, both your lives will get better. But for some reason, the words stuck in my throat. I lowered my head and said softly, "Thank you. Thank you."
Holly was right — you can't change the course of history. I should leave the arguments and the sorrow behind, stand behind the barrier of time, and watch them walk toward the happiness they deserved. That was their right. I couldn't selfishly take it away.
09
Holly asked, "What'd you score?"
I gave her my rank and said, "Moved up a hundred places. Pretty impressive, right?"
She said, "No kidding — you were dead last before."
I said indignantly, "Can't you at least encourage me a little?"
She said, "Handsome, keep it up."
I said, "Never mind, there won't be a next time anyway. I actually knew how to answer some of those questions, just ran out of time. What a shame."
After finals, July arrived. School let out for two months of summer vacation. That gave Holly and me plenty of time to hang out and chat. She still hadn't told me the exact date of my death, but it had to be within a few days.
My parents were thrilled and made a special meal. My dad opened a bottle of red wine and asked, "Want a glass?" I said, "Pour me one, buddy." He cuffed my head and said, "No respect."
I rubbed my head and grinned.
He suddenly said, "Son, I need to tell you something."
I said, "Hmm?"
He said, "Your mom and I talked it over. Give us a little more time. We're going to communicate better."
I said, "No need to force it."
He said, "I mean it. And I'm not saying we definitely won't divorce. At the very least, peaceful coexistence, active communication."
I said, "Okay."
He said, "Your mom is actually quite beautiful..."
I said, "Obviously. You think I don't know that?"
We clinked glasses. A July evening, the cicadas humming. Kids downstairs were being walked by their parents, playing and laughing in the streets. Mom had been drinking too, her face flushed. I smiled hard. Wine really is a wonderful thing — every pore in my body opened up, letting me properly feel this world before I left it.
10
After dinner, the TV was playing the evening news when Holly's voice came from downstairs.
She called my name. "Leo, time's almost up."
I yelled something to my parents and ran out.
Holly leaned in and sniffed me. "You've been drinking?"
I said, "Had some with my dad. Just a little. Just a little."
She said, "How are they doing?"
I said, "A bit better, I think. Not easy."
She nodded and walked on in silence.
After a while, she turned around and found I was still standing where I was.
I had my eyes closed. I waited a long time. Am I dead? I wasn't sure. I opened my eyes again. It was still the same small town.
I pointed at myself and said, "Do I look like hot pot right now?"
She shook her head, looking despairing. "Not yet. You have to wait a bit longer. Are you an idiot?"
I said, "Oh, you could've said so earlier."
I walked along the river with her.
I said, "Now can you tell me how I die? Otherwise, how am I supposed to kill myself?"
Holly said, "A car accident."
I said, "So I'm that careless about traffic safety."
Holly said, "That's not it."
11
Holly said that July, she went to buy a Coke, and a truck came barreling toward her. She couldn't dodge in time, and I pushed her out of the way. She survived, and I was dragged under the truck.
I nodded, walked over to the intersection, and waited for the truck that had already killed me once to kill me again.
I said, "Oh, I've been wanting to ask — if history really does change, what happens to you?"
She said, "I disappear."
I said, "Disappear how?"
She said, "If you don't die, I have no reason to go back in time. The time travel never happens."
I said, "I didn't understand a single word..."
She said, "With your intelligence, it's hard to explain. Basically, I'll return to the future, to my own timeline. And I'll forget everything, because I won't remember things that never happened. I'll probably just vaguely recall a classmate named Leo who got into some college with a name I can't remember."
She said, "Your timeline and mine will never intersect again."
I said, "Will I forget you too?"
She said, "Yes."
I said, "That's sad."
She said, "That's how it is when people grow up."
I suddenly thought of that boy frozen forever in the summer of sixteen. If there was consciousness after death, and he knew the girl he'd saved had been thinking about him all this time, he'd probably be happy.
I said, "Holly, can you tell me your real name?"
Holly said, "Leo, go buy me a Coke, and I'll tell you."
I nodded and walked toward the nearby store.
Behind me, a large truck rumbled past, kicking up stones from the road.
On a summer night, the air always carries a faint hint of moisture. I looked up at the sky, where the stars above the small town slowly drifted, beneath clouds of deep blue. The Coke I'd just bought was cold. I wondered if the stars, too, would feel this cold to the touch.
I turned around. Across the street, Holly was no longer there.
That was my sixteenth summer. Time flowed slowly, drifting like a nebula. I took a sip of Coke, kicked a stone, and walked home step by step.