Couch Potato Happy Planet
Deep in the vast universe, there was a delicious planet where many couch potatoes lived happily.
About two-thirds of the planet's surface was covered by an ice cream ocean, and the remaining third was a continent made of cheesecake. Dotting the ice cream ocean were the occasional cone islands poking above the surface and sticky rice ring atolls, and the couch potatoes could sail between the mainland and the islands on fruit boats loaded with strawberries and mangoes.
Though it was called an ocean, the ice cream sea had no fierce winds or massive waves—it stayed in a semi-frozen, placid state. That was because beneath the planet's surface lay a core of incredibly cold solid ice, constantly radiating chill, keeping the ice cream from melting and making the planet's surface refreshingly cool. Even in the height of summer, the land was perfectly comfortable—air conditioning was completely unnecessary and, frankly, nonexistent.
According to research conducted by couch potato scientists who drilled core samples, the planet's inner ice core was brownish in color, frozen with many sparkling tiny bubbles. Slightly heated, it melted into a dark liquid that looked absolutely delicious.
So one brave couch potato warrior stepped forward and boldly tasted it.
And was absolutely blown away by how icy and sweet it was, with tiny bubbles tingling down the throat—soul-ascending levels of refreshing.
Before long, this drink from the planet's core became all the rage worldwide. Every couch potato held a bottle of this brown beverage, tilted their head back, and chugged it down in great gulps. Whatever troubles they had vanished, and they were happy beyond words.
And so the drink was named Couch Potato Happy Soda.
Every couch potato genuinely loved this miraculous substance, which brought the entire planet happiness from the inside out.
The happy couch potatoes also believed they could live this carefree life forever. Their biggest daily worries were just the occasional someone whose weight exceeded the limit, cracking the thin cookie-tile flooring and sinking into the milkshake swamp below. All they could do was wait for rescue while scooping up handfuls of berry pebbles mixed into the milkshake to calm their nerves.
Unfortunately, disaster struck without warning. One day, a couch potato hosting a marshmallow roast in the backyard accidentally knocked over the stove. The fire spread to the lush cheese stick forest surrounding the yard, and the blaze quickly escalated, raging along the deep roots the cheese sticks had planted underground. The fire burned from the surface all the way down to the core, even scorching through the insulating layer that wrapped around the ice core.
The frozen core began to melt, and the entire planet switched from ice-chilled mode to barbecue mode.
This posed quite a problem for the couch potatoes.
First, excess Couch Potato Happy Soda burst through the fragile surface, flooding everywhere, and no matter how hard the couch potatoes tried, they couldn't drink it all. The massive overflow of Happy Soda crashed around, polluting herbal tea lakes, juice wetlands, and mineral water streams, and even ruined many heritage sites built by ancient couch potatoes using cookies and cocoa powder.
Second, the Happy Soda periodically erupted from fragile ground, releasing enormous bubbles. These giant bubbles swelled up with a gurgle-gurgle, and if you gave one a gentle poke—bang—it launched nearby couch potatoes into the sky.
Finally, and most terrifyingly, it was hot enough to need air conditioning.
But this planet had been cool and pleasant for billions of years. Nobody had ever invented an air conditioner!
The couch potatoes were devastated by this sudden catastrophe, collapsing from the heat left and right.
Only a small handful of couch potatoes kept their optimism, stubbornly using the steaming dark liquid to stew ginger slices, insisting it could cure the common cold.
But what no one knew was that the true disaster had only just begun.
As the surface temperature continued to rise, the semi-frozen ice cream ocean began melting and expanding. The sea level kept climbing, submerging cone islands and sticky rice ring atolls. Massive ice cream tsunamis began sweeping inland, and the couch potatoes watched helplessly as wave after wave of ice cream crashed toward their cities, obliterating entire blocks of marble cake buildings.
Before they could even mourn the loss of their fries and popcorn, a bigger tsunami warning sounded. With no other choice, the couch potatoes scrambled to pack their most prized possessions—including donuts, cracker snacks, and their Happy Beasts—and headed for higher ground shelters.
The shelters were located on a tall chocolate mountain. To get there, couch potatoes had to first reach the caramel pudding launch pad at the mountain's base, give a mighty leap, get launched upward by its springy Q-bounce, then open a candy-wrapper parachute and float down to the mountainside, where the shelter entrance awaited.
The couch potatoes who made it into the shelter figured they could finally pause for a snack break—little did they know, the temperature exceeded what the chocolate mountain could withstand. The entire mountain started melting too.
As the mountain slowly sank, the couch potatoes were so panicked they even canceled afternoon tea. They fled the shelter and kept climbing upward. It was exhausting and dangerous—everyone worried about being swept away by the rising ice cream waves below, while also watching out for falling chocolate boulders from above.
Just then, the earth let out a muffled roar, and the entire chocolate mountain trembled. The halfway-up couch potatoes froze in terror, timidly lifting their heads to look.
Scorching liqueur chocolate lava erupted from the mountaintop, flowing down in torrents. The whole world was engulfed in a thick aroma of alcohol.
It turned out the chocolate mountain was a long-dormant volcano. Now, under geological pressure, it had reawakened, erupting with enough force to send world-destroying lava flowing in all directions. Everything in its path was destroyed, consumed by fire.
The panicked couch potatoes scattered in every direction, screaming.
Along with the liqueur lava, chocolate dust was spewed into the sky, thickening into a dense layer that blocked out even the last glimmer of sunlight, leaving only despairing darkness behind.
A couch potato philosopher trapped halfway up the mountain looked back at the apocalyptic scene blocking out sky and sun, and couldn't help but lament: This is the end of couch potato civilization.
Note: not because their man-made structures were destroyed.
But because everyone fleeing for their lives was no longer being a couch potato at all!
In this critical moment, there was still one place on the planet that was temporarily safe—it sat atop the croissant peak at the very pole, with a solid foundation and good heat resistance, not yet in danger of melting or being submerged. Since the disaster began, all couch potato scientists had been gathered here, deliberating on how to save the world.
They proposed a thousand and one plans, but each was vetoed for one reason or another.
The main problem was that every plan required massive amounts of energy, and they had no way to obtain enough power in a short time.
Fortunately, during a late-night instant noodle snack when everyone was feeling gloomy, a genius couch potato found inspiration from the hamster cage beside them.
This genius couch potato scientist declared that hamsters were also a branch of the couch potato tribe. Sure, they might look like lazy, pudgy balls most of the time, but according to his research, whenever they ran inside their hamster wheels, they unleashed tremendous energy.
And this energy wasn't mere kinetic force—its true power came from producing immense happiness!
That was the most potent energy in the entire universe.
So all they needed was to give every couch potato a hamster-wheel-like device, have everyone pedal in unison, and they could generate enough happiness power to cool this overheated planet down.
Everyone applauded this brilliant idea and toasted with instant noodle broth to celebrate.
Then, the hyper-efficient couch potato scientists immediately manufactured a large batch of Couch Potato Happy Balls based on the hamster wheel concept, deploying them worldwide through mysterious advanced tech, ensuring every couch potato on the planet received one.
The scientist who launched this rescue mission also delivered an impassioned speech via toffee communication satellite: Couch potatoes of the world! No more slacking, no more delaying, no more being content as lazy fish! Take action—today is our final deadline!
On this day, the Happy Couch Potato Planet witnessed the most stirring spectacle in its history.
Countless couch potato balls lined up in formation, end to end, circling the entire planet—magnificent to behold. Each Happy Ball came with a long straw that plunged deep into the planet, letting couch potatoes sip Couch Potato Happy Soda from underground while furiously pedaling their balls, channeling the resulting happiness energy to a central power system for the newly invented mega air-conditioner. They cranked it to maximum power, sending icy chill straight to the planet's core, giving this feverish world a deep freeze!
To save their homeland, couch potatoes everywhere united, running with all their might inside their Happy Balls. Though every face was flushed, every body drenched in sweat, every muscle trembling—no one gave up, no one slacked off. Everyone gritted their teeth and pushed forward, shouting encouragement to one another.
A sense of mission none had ever felt before surged through every heart.
One more lap, just one more lap, and they could cross the horizon ahead.
As long as they ran fast enough, no worry could catch up. The power of happiness linked everyone into one, and life had never felt so fulfilled!
This feeling was absolutely incredible!
Even better, as the cooling effect intensified, what came through their straws was no longer a warm liquid, but the familiar, nostalgic taste brimming with icy refreshment. The sweet, faintly fizzy liquid carried bits of crushed ice, cooling them from the inside out to the heavens.
This was the Couch Potato Happy Soda they knew and loved!
The effect was immediate. Every couch potato's furrowed brow gradually relaxed into a beaming smile. Their pedaling grew faster and faster. Even the rage of the trembling earth couldn't match the divine power of such happiness, and gradually the planet calmed. The waves retreated to the sea, smoke cleared from the sky, and a shaft of sunlight broke through the clouds, spilling across the land.
It wasn't until the planet's core was completely refrozen, and not a single drop of Happy Soda could be drawn from the straws, that couch potatoes gradually stopped and popped out of their Happy Balls. Looking at their restored, peaceful, and cool planet, they wept with joy, embraced one another, and cheered.
They had finally relied on the united power of happiness to overcome the catastrophe and defend their homeland—truly a cause for celebration.
Still, the disaster left aftereffects.
With all the cities destroyed, nobody had places to stay home and be couch potatoes. Plus, the intense pedaling had burned off so much energy that everyone had gotten thinner—no longer as plump as before.
Neither plump nor couch-potato-ing—this was nearly a devastating blow to the perfect atmosphere the Couch Potato Happy Planet had spent eons cultivating.
But the former couch potatoes who had survived the catastrophe and stood firm would not shrink from the new challenges before them.
They would keep working hard—clearing scattered chocolate rubble, filtering the polluted herbal tea lakes until they sparkled again, rebuilding their cities with scallion crackers and lemon cake, and decorating every corner with cream and nuts.
Also, they would erect a statue in nougat at the city's most prominent spot, honoring the genius couch potato scientist who had proposed the rescue plan. The statue would be posed in a majestic stance—foot on a Happy Ball, bottle of Happy Soda held high—to commemorate everyone's unyielding struggle during that great catastrophe.
Everyone held fast to the belief that their happy couch potato way of life would be restored. They believed that before long, they'd be sailing out again on fruit boats loaded with strawberries and mangoes, drifting across the boundless ice cream ocean, each one a lovable couch potato once more—sprawled on deck, tipping back a whole bottle of Happy Soda in great, happy gulps.
Maybe one day they'd even develop technology advanced enough for interstellar travel, piloting bagel spaceships across the cosmos, secretly shipping their local specialty Couch Potato Happy Soda to remote galaxies, serving as the best advertisement to attract interstellar immigrants.
That bright future wouldn't be too far away.
And you, on Earth, facing such an interstellar immigration opportunity—are you ready?