You Touch Him and See What Happens
Juniper's room was always cute. Plush toys everywhere, air freshener, matching couple's toothbrushes and towels in the bathroom—the smell of young love.
Valerian went obediently to his doorless room. I lay beside Juniper, still hurting from what had happened with Cassian Vance, and turned off the light.
Her fuzzy blanket felt comforting against my skin. Juniper heard my muffled sobbing and whispered, "Sister... I was right, wasn't I?"
"Yes."
She held my arm. In the darkness, I was silent for a moment, then asked, "What do you think I should do?"
"About what?"
"He set the fire. But you could argue my husband's death wasn't really his fault. I understand it's displaced anger, but I can't get past it."
"I understand. Even if he didn't intend for this to happen, he's the root cause."
"Yeah..."
"Sister, let me say something first. Then you can talk."
"Go ahead."
Juniper spoke softly: "Valerian and I get called Brainless and Brainy. He's genuinely brainless. But am I really brainy, or is brainy just a polite way of saying we're both losers everyone picks on? I'm happy being a nobody, honestly. Valerian always wants to argue, but I think living as useless people forever is perfectly fine."
"When I told Valerian about Hemlock setting fires, it was just between us. I had no idea he'd blab it. I didn't know you'd saved his life—if I'd known, I would've gagged him before letting him tell you. But he was loyal to his friend, and he went and told you too."
"Later, when I helped you investigate, I wasn't thrilled about it. But I love Valerian so much. Love him to the point where—even though he's a Sin Hunter, I want to grow old with him. Since you saved his life, I owed you that much. So I helped. But taking one step doesn't mean I'm obligated to take steps two, three, four, and five."
"Sister, do you know what happens when a lion and a tiger fight? They both know when to stop, because finishing the other off would cost too much. They respect each other. Maybe they just swat and wrestle a bit, then move on. But what about the ants and insects crushed under their rolling bodies as they fight?"
"I'm cheerful on the surface, but I know exactly where I stand. What is Yidi to you? Probably just an ordinary man. But from where I'm standing, I can see how much he cares about you. The man who never lets anyone into his home invited you in without caring about rumors. Even an idiot can see there's something between you two—but no matter how curious I am, I won't pry, because I'm just an ant. Who'd lift a finger for an ant?"
"Sister, your chest is very soft to lean on—is that because you've had a baby? I want babies too. I want to give Valerian a daughter as cute as me. I hope that one day I can breastfeed while blushing and scolding him for being a pervert. I know he's a Sin Hunter. I keep thinking that being useless is actually the safest thing to be. Useless people live longer. Valerian keeps dreaming of reaching Heaven-tier, and I keep encouraging him, knowing it's impossible—he's simply not built for it."
"But the closer he gets to your story, the more terrified I become. We're ants, sister. Just ants that get bullied. Valerian's loyal to a fault. When he hears a friend is in trouble, he won't stand aside. Sister... we're still friends. But some things are better swallowed. I feel guilty, and I'm sorry you're hurting. But I'd rather you digest your pain alone than share it with us. A tiger won't attack a lion, but if it's in a bad mood, it can crush a few ants without trying."
Her voice was gentle, but every word pierced me.
She clung to my arm, trembling: "I'm begging you—can you just swallow your grievances? I want to help, but Yidi's world is too dangerous for us. I don't even dare to know what I know. Once you walk out that door, say you feel better. Let us keep trembling in our corner—two forever-invisible losers. I'm scared... and I feel guilty. I'm only telling you this in secret. Please understand."
I sat up and patted her head. "Juniper, I'm going back. I'm not angry—I just didn't consider your position. Sleep well."
I changed clothes. She buried her face under the blanket, as if afraid to look at me.
From under the covers, she whispered: "Can we be friends with boundaries from now on?"
"Of course. Why are you always ranked last in the Sin Hunter standings?"
"Judgment Tower keeps urging me to upgrade. I refused. A handler at Sage's level can only exist in every city—two per shift. If I upgrade, they'll reassign me somewhere else. And without me... that dumb boy couldn't survive. He's too proud to ever advance past Human-tier. If I started serving other Heaven-tier Sin Hunters, he'd suffer in silence but never say anything."
"Right. I'm going."
I left. Valerian was making his bed next door.
He brightened when he saw me. "Sister! You're not resting anymore? Getting instant noodles?"
"No, I feel better now. I'm heading back."
"Good, as long as you're okay."
I looked at him and suddenly thought: what if Valerian were my man?
Not the noun "Valerian"—the adjective "banxia."
Not every woman wants an overwhelmingly powerful partner. At this moment, I couldn't help thinking: if my man were this weak—unable to fight, no ability to protect—maybe that would be better.
We could be two little nobodies together. Happy, silly, oblivious to the world, living our own small life.
But neither of them was weak.
Not even close.
I returned to Cassian Vance's room and opened the door. He was lying on the sofa, eyes bloodshot.
He looked at me. I walked toward him.
Halfway, I reached out and turned off the light.
In the darkness, I climbed onto the sofa and held him.
I'd figured it out.
Heaven had never been kind to him even once. No matter how much my heart ached, how could I add the deepest wound of all?
To put it shamelessly—he was also a man I loved.
Cassian Vance wrapped his arms around my waist. I didn't resist. Instead, I breathed softly near his ear: "Mmm..."
His breathing grew heavier. He leaned in to kiss me.
I punched him in the face.
He yelped, then lay back down obediently. I cradled his head and whispered, "Sleep. You're also a silly boy."
In the darkness, we held each other tight.
The stubborn boy from years ago had grown into a man.
But in my eyes, he was still as simple as a child.
I held him and smiled slightly—blissfully—then removed his hand from my chest.
I held him, inhaling the scent of his shampoo, then removed his hand from under my shirt.
I held him, and when he tried to unbutton my collar, I drove my knee into his crotch.
He yelped once more, and finally lay still.
For some reason, I slept incredibly well that night.
When I opened my eyes the next morning, Cassian Vance was still asleep in my arms.
He looked so peaceful. I reached out and gently unbuttoned his shirt, exposing his chest.
Terrible scars ran from his collarbone to his abdomen.
What should have been a beautiful body—ruined.
I pressed a gentle kiss to his collarbone, then followed the scars down to his stomach muscles.
These were earned protecting me.
My heart ached.
The kiss woke him. He reached for my face, wanting to kiss me.
I pushed him away. "Can you be serious? Stop always trying to kiss me."
"But you just—"
"Some things I can do. You can't."
Like a withered eggplant, he finally gave up and went to make breakfast, even preparing food for Major.
He served me two bowls of dumplings, then placed a rare steak on a plate on the floor with sliced apples and salmon—worried about Major's nutrition.
Two people and a dog eating breakfast together.
I looked at my dumplings, then at Major's bowl. "So I'm less important than the dog?"
"How many people has this dog saved? How many people have you saved?"
Fair point. I couldn't argue with that.
As we ate, my phone buzzed.
A Judgment Tower notification—different from others. Red text, pixelated, pinned to the top.
I frowned at the strange format. "Why is this message different? It's got mosaic effects and anonymous sender."
Cassian Vance said, "That's from a Si Zhu."
The elusive, mysterious Si Zhu—Sin Hunter Leader?
I clicked the message: "All Sin Hunters report to the recreation room at 10:30 AM. Handlers stand by."
I muttered, "The leader is calling a meeting? I thought everyone worked independently. As Yidi, surely you know some inside information?"
Cassian Vance ate his dumplings in silence.
I was still puzzling over the message when he suddenly spoke: "During the meeting, stay close to me. I'll protect you."
Such a simple sentence, yet it sent a chill through me.
What did he mean?
Why say something like that out of nowhere?
A bad feeling settled in my stomach.
At the appointed time, we arrived at the recreation room. It was quiet, chairs arranged in rows, everyone facing a wall-mounted TV.
Valerian waved frantically from a corner. I wanted to sit with him, but remembering Cassian Vance's warning, I stayed away.
When everyone was assembled, the TV flickered to life. A masked figure appeared, voice digitally altered: "Everyone remain silent. I am one of the Si Zhu, your leader. I've called you here to share critical intelligence. Sin Hunters Danggui, Longdan, and Renshen have been killed in action."
Gasps filled the room.
"Most alarming—these three died during separate missions. Sin Hunters rarely have accidents thanks to superior intelligence. An entire year might see four or five casualties at most. Yet in the last twelve hours, three partners have died!"
"The root cause: Sin Hunters have been exposed! Since the first generation's downfall, we've operated in absolute secrecy. But yesterday, every one of you saw the news. You know how much social upheaval this has caused. People are linking past disappearances to us, and wrongdoers who've committed crimes are now on guard! Our missions have become far more dangerous, resulting in these tragic losses!"
"Today's gathering is to announce: all Judgment Tower missions are suspended pending reevaluation. Heaven-tier Sin Hunters will be significantly reduced. Many Earth-tier Sin Hunters will drop to Human-tier. You all know that tier classifications exist to protect your safety. We must make this decision. Please await further instructions."
The TV went dark. Many Sin Hunters turned to look at me.
Silence. Deathly silence.
If looks could kill, I'd have died a thousand times over.
Finally, someone exploded.
"Dandelion! How are you going to atone for what you've done!"
"Because of you, three Sin Hunters are dead! Because of you, our future missions will be far more dangerous!"
"You get all the glory—the first-generation leader Rafe Morrow's shining legacy, inherited by you—while we take the blame!"
As they hurled accusations, I finally understood why Cassian Vance had warned me.
While I was being attacked from all sides, Valerian suddenly stood up.
"Everyone, please calm down! This wasn't Sister's fault—someone secretly filmed her. None of us wanted this. Why blame her? She did nothing wrong—she was just completing a mission when she got filmed!"
"If she were a competent Sin Hunter, she wouldn't have left traces. Her strength doesn't deserve Heaven-tier," someone sneered. "Am I the only one who thinks something's off? A woman, reaching Heaven-tier? Probably someone promoted her."
Cassian Vance said coolly, "What do you mean?"
"She moved into someone's home—everyone can see that. Some people know exactly what they're doing."
Cassian Vance stood. The man stumbled backward.
I whispered, "Don't fight."
When Hemlock spoke, they still didn't dare say too much. But the moment I opened my mouth, everyone turned furious.
"Dandelion! Now you're playing the good person?"
"I'm not playing anything. I feel terrible about what happened too—"
"Then atone for it! You feel terrible but won't pay the price?"
"I was going to—why did you interrupt me!"
"Then here—" A short knife clattered to the floor in front of me. "Don't want your life—just chop off a finger to show your remorse!"
I stared at the knife.
The crowd grew louder. "Do it! Thinking someone will protect you means you don't have to pay?"
"You talked so big just now!"
"Dandelion! Do you even have any spine!"
I slammed my left hand onto a nearby chair and reached for the knife with my right.
"NO!"
Cassian Vance lunged to grab my wrist, but someone else was faster—snatching the blade.
It was Valerian.
He clutched the knife, trembling as he faced the angry crowd.
He swallowed hard and whispered, "What's wrong with everyone? Why so much rage?"
"Rage? Because of her, we're in danger!"
"Being a Sin Hunter has always been dangerous. Look at the words carved on your masks—you all have masks, why forget now? Deep down, you're all jealous. Jealous that she arrived as Heaven-tier. Jealous that she inherited Rafe Morrow's reputation. Jealous that she has Yidi watching over her. You use high-minded reasons to cover up your real feelings—that you can't stand someone getting the glory while you take the risks. Isn't that it?"
"Who the fuck are you calling jealous!"
Someone threw a chair. It struck Valerian square in the head.
He tumbled to the ground. The thrower grabbed Valerian's hair and snarled, "Stop your bullshit!"
Valerian cowered, covering his head. A massive fist swung toward him.
"Hey."
I grabbed the man's wrist.
He turned to me, furious.
I said coldly, "Touch him, and you'll find out whether I deserve Heaven-tier. Every one of you—the same. Instead of claiming I slept my way to the top, why don't you try me? Let's see whether I kill all of you or you kill me."
The man's face went red. "I don't want to fight one of our own!"
He pulled back his fist but kicked Valerian for good measure. "Keep talking shit—"
BANG.
My foot connected with his chest before he finished.
He crashed backward, overturning chairs.
I stepped toward him, voice like ice: "I told you. You didn't listen."