I've always liked model airplanes.
Selfishly, I drew a small airplane on the paper box.
I didn't want to leave it unsigned.
But I was afraid you wouldn't know who it was from.
I didn't want you to find out.
But I was also afraid you wouldn't notice.
Such contradictory feelings.
"December 24, 2018—Light snow—Monday"
It's Christmas Eve.
I came specially early this morning.
The entire academic building had no one but me.
Even though I couldn't give it to you in person.
I still quietly placed the box on your desk.
Blanket Girl, stay safe and sound.
"December 25, 2018—Light snow—Tuesday"
Merry Christmas.
Forgive me for not daring to say it to you in person.
Reading this, I was instantly pulled back to that Christmas.
On Christmas Eve, the moment I sat down at my desk, I saw a beautifully packaged little gift box with a peace apple inside. I opened the box and took out the big, red apple.
There was nothing else in the box—only a tiny airplane drawn in a small corner.
An airplane... I frantically flipped the diary back to the very first page.
The little airplane in my memory and the airplane before my eyes overlapped, and I froze.
The scene from that day was still echoing in my mind. I thought the peace apple was from my childhood friend, who also liked model airplanes. Later that afternoon, when my childhood friend came to give me an apple, I smiled and said, "Didn't you already give me one earlier? Why another one?"
My childhood friend looked at me in confusion, saying he hadn't. At the time, I thought he was just teasing me.
In these fragments and clues, all the unsolved mysteries and ignored small details of my high school years connected, one by one, through page after page of this diary.
But I didn't feel the thrill of a mystery being solved. Instead, I felt as if something had slipped away without my noticing. The overwhelming mixture of emotions threatened to swallow me whole, and I was drowning at sea.
My head felt dizzy, and my heart rose and fell violently with the diary.
Through the pages of the diary, I saw myself through his eyes.
A girl beautiful without knowing it.
"December 29, 2018—Cloudy—Saturday"
I can't help but keep looking toward your class's balcony.
When you're eating breakfast.
I always use reading aloud as an excuse to disguise the fact that I'm watching you.
I flipped through my book.
Actually, I didn't have that much to memorize.
And I wasn't really reading carefully, either.
Actually, you could see me just by looking down.
Every single time.
"December 30, 2018—Cloudy—Sunday"
Reading at home.
Reading and suddenly laughing.
There was a passage in the book describing a little pig nibbling on vegetable leaves.
I immediately thought of you.
You nibbling on buns on the balcony every morning was just like that.
"January 1, 2019—Sunny—Tuesday"
Blanket Girl.
Happy New Year!
In 2019, I hope you get to eat delicious buns.
And I hope you don't secretly cry alone anymore.
10
Sitting on the bus, I felt my heart being struck again.
Something oppressive pressed against my chest until I could barely breathe.
I couldn't help but keep turning the pages.
"January 3, 2019—Sunny—Thursday"
Saw you during morning exercises today.
You were chatting with the person next to you.
You seemed very happy, smiling wide enough to show your teeth.
But then you quickly covered your face with your hand.
I just realized you got braces.
Blanket Girl.
Don't be afraid to smile. It's not ugly at all.
Never mind, you won't see this even if I write it.
It really is beautiful.
You're beautiful no matter what.
A few teardrops fell onto the diary pages.
I hastily wiped them away.
I got braces in my first year of high school. My mom said my teeth weren't straight, so I might as well get them corrected early. Just like that, I got the wire braces put on.
My perceived ugliness gained another bold stroke. I became even more unable to lift my head; every time I smiled, I was afraid people would see those little notched slots connected by wires on each tooth.
I remember when I first got the braces, it hurt so much I couldn't sleep at night. My mom said it was the price of beauty.
But I could only quietly ask myself in the bottom of my heart—would getting braces really make me prettier? Was only a row of perfectly aligned teeth worthy of being liked?
Even now, I still don't know what the right answer is.
If only my past self had known about this diary entry. Would things have been different?
"January 4, 2019—Cloudy—Friday"
I went to the storage room to get some books.
Saw you walking very close to a boy, talking and laughing.
I just froze at the door.
Watching you get further and further away.
So.
Are you.
In a relationship?
"January 5, 2019—Sunny—Saturday"
I was going to end the diary right here.
They call it a diary.
But it's really all about you.
I might as well call it the Blanket Girl Diary.
From the moment I found out you might be in a relationship.
It felt like my soul was drifting outside my body.
In a daze.
I kept trying to convince myself.
As long as you're well.
Nothing else matters.
My rational mind tried again and again to pull me back to reality.
But I suddenly realized.
Love isn't directed by the brain.
In the evening, I took out my diary as usual.
Staring at the blank pages.
I sat for a long time.
"January 6, 2019—Light snow—Sunday"
Lately I've had no energy for anything.
Forgot to bring homework back from the office.
Forgot to write the word "solve" on my math problems.
Even my favorite food tastes bland.
My sleep has been restless too.
Got hit by a basketball during practice and forgot to dodge.
"January 7, 2019—Cloudy—Monday"
The diary still hasn't been abandoned.
I suddenly remembered what Theo said.
That Mother of Ultraman would make our pairing come true.
When I heard that absurd claim, it always sounded ridiculous.
If only.
There really were a Mother of Ultraman.
That would be nice.
"January 8, 2019—Sunny—Tuesday"
I ran into that boy today.
He's the flag-bearer from Class 17.
I couldn't help but steal a few glances at him.
I just really wanted to know.
What kind of person the boy Blanket Girl liked would be.
A bit thin.
Looks very cheerful.
This kind of outgoing boy.
Would probably be a great match for you!
This kind of boy.
Is like my exact opposite.
"January 9, 2019—Sunny—Wednesday"
I hope you're well.
"January 10, 2019—Sunny—Thursday"
Every day I tell myself I can't keep writing.
But every night I habitually take out the diary and pick up the pen.
"January 11, 2019—Cloudy—Friday"
Today, suddenly.
I overheard the two girls behind me chatting.
That boy is dating a girl from our class.
My physics paper was instantly marred by a black streak.
What about you then?
Did you know he was dating someone?
"January 12, 2019—Sunny—Saturday"
Theo said he really couldn't stand watching me look half-dead anymore.
He said he'd asked around.
You're not in a relationship with that boy.
You two are cousins.
Hmm.
I'm going to buy a Mother of Ultraman figurine when I get home today!
"January 13, 2019—Sunny—Sunday"
Suddenly noticed that the weather has been really nice these past few days.
The wind is gentle too.
My eyes grew moist. It should have been a laughable misunderstanding, but I found I couldn't even smile.
The boy mentioned in his diary was my cousin—my childhood friend, named Fan Kaiyi.
He's my aunt's son, born in the same year as me. We grew up like twins—every day it was either fighting or tattling on each other.
I couldn't wait to tell my aunt everything he got scolded for at school, then watch gleefully as my aunt scolded him again.
I remember he'd often come up to ask me for the answers to our Chinese workbook. Every time, I'd hook my arm around his neck and tell him how much it cost to look at the answers once.
He'd curse and grumble every time, but still obediently paid up. That must have been the scene this diary-writing boy witnessed.
My childhood friend started dating a girl not long after starting high school—a girl from Class 1 with a neat bob, fair-skinned, looking very well-behaved. I often sighed that it was a flower stuck in cow dung.
I thought my childhood friend was truly committing a sin—he dared to go after the treasure of Class 1. Those Class 1 students were aiming for Qingbei—the top universities—and he was ruining their future.
Every time he saw me sighing like that, he'd roll his eyes. He said that as long as I didn't tell my aunt about his relationship, he'd give me one of his treasured model airplanes. I waved my hand dismissively. With our years of friendship, how could I possibly tell my aunt about something like this?
Then he'd go off happily to find his Class 1 girlfriend. From Fan Kaiyi, I learned a truth: when a boy truly likes a girl, he'll think of every possible way to treat her well and is more than willing to invest time, energy, and money for her sake.
Fan Kaiyi used to eat four or five meals a day. To save money to buy his girlfriend a dress, he cut back to two meals a day. He used to rush home in a taxi just to play video games, but now he'd ride a bicycle with his little girlfriend, grinning like an idiot.
He'd even bring his girlfriend's clothes to the dorm to wash for her.
"January 15, 2019—Sunny—Tuesday"
We ran into each other at the stairway corner.
Seeing you, I inexplicably panicked.
Pretended to be a stranger with an expressionless face.
Lowered my head and hurried past you.
You didn't notice me.
If only you had turned around.
You would have found me watching you.